TITLE: Ninja Gaiden, or why IRC rules AUTHOR: Jim9137 DATE: 3/15/2005 10:19:00 ip. ----- BODY:

Knives> Ninja Gaiden is a joy, I must say. But only once you've gotten the hang of it. Jim9137> Xbox one? Jim9137> I found it quite repetive on the end. Knives> Yeah. Jim9137> in. Knives> Um, yes, but it wasn't in a bad way. It's just a shame the plot is anime cliche they don't even bother to explain it anymore. Jim9137> Yeah. I was sort of vee tee eff in the end. But the end boss was nice. Knives> Bad guy good girl kidnap escape demons evil empire army tanks helicopters trains crash volcano demons skeletons big ass sword end. Knives> I said demons twice, but there's plenty of demons, so there you go. Jim9137> Oh yeah, the train bit. Why the hell there? Jim9137> They could have just set it on the same era as in the start for effin sakes. Knives> Supposedly to create a distraction but considering it didn't make the soldiers go away or anything really happen I guess the developers really wanted to crash two trains and have a ninja jump off the top of one. Jim9137> Yeah. Jim9137> To land on the same spot few levels ago. Knives> "We should make a ninja game." "YES, but wait, can we have MONKEYS?" "No." "MAYBE AT THE END THE SOLDIERS WILL TRANFORM INTO MONKEYS" "Soldiers? In a ninja game? Turn to monkeys? Oh whatever." "Can we crash some trains?" Knives> I mean seriously, why DID the soldiers turn into topless monkeys? Knives> Or were there monkeys and they stole the soldiers' pants? And batons? Sounds like something a monkey would do. Knives> A DEMON monkey, nonetheless. Jim9137> Knives: Yeah. And how the heck do the evil peeps have nightclub while there is castle of evil on their backyard? Knives> Who's Han. What the hell did Galoff do the whole game. Jim9137> Knives: REmember the creepy spy guy too? Who just died for no reason because he worked for evil boss? AND WHO WORE 50's OUTFIT? Knives> Galof. Knives> He's Gallof, man. He has a name. It is said TWICE. And the guy is seen FOUR TIMES THE WHOLE GAME AND DOES NOTHING BUT GRIN AND LOOK REALLY UGLY. Knives> He's this insane clown in a trenchcoat. He's a fuckin' muppet, is what he is. Knives> Ninja Gaiden is fuckin' wierd. Knives> Aye Jim9137> Knives: Gallof, right. Jim9137> Knives: I liked his jump maneuver though. Knives> Seriously though, I think his role was just to stir up a mess for Ryu to kill so that the sword could feed on chaos. Knives> WHICH IS THE MOST CONTRIVED AND STUPID PIECE OF SHIT EXCUSE FOR A PLOT TO THROW LOTS OF THINGS THAT BLEED AT YOU. Jim9137> FUCKING RIGHT. Jim9137> I think I'm gonna post this log on my blog. Knives> You should, ladies fancy gaming rants.

Ladies, just email me for contact details and your A/S/L! Rawr! Addendum: - Date: 16//3//05 Author: Jim9137 Title: //"Ninja Gaiden, or why Alma is a tentacle headed which I, excuse the language, think is a bitch.//" Location: 10.0.0.13//Gargantua - Summary: //"Rant about why the plots should make sense, and why you just can't do everything to player without causing braintumors...//" - Appointed by: John9137 Designated deadline: 16//3//05 Reason: //"We must keep up with the old posts. And he didn't bring me any tea.//" Targeted Audience: John9137 - [START OF ARTICLE] - - - Sorry for the totally incoherent entry yesterday. I'm going to extend this entry however, just for you dear reader. I think we should start by telling some history about Ninja Gaiden. Ninja Gaiden, as that log in the early states, is a XBox game. But the series were first released on the golden age of 8-Bit Nintendos, (Also referred simply as NES consoles), and as far as I understood this was mainly a remake. It's not a bad game, I actually liked it. Not tons or so that I would go raving lunatic when someone mentioned the main hero looked gay, backspace, hippie, backspace, um, weird. Anyway, so that you know that original Ninja Gaidens we're the hardest in the bunch. And I mean really hard, not some pussy hard as games these days are. Well, Ninja Gaiden the Xbox game is hard game. Particularly the infamous Alma boss (Nice rear however) and the shady ghostfish... Urgh. But I'm going to focus on the plot side of the game. I haven't seen much of anime, which I think has influenced this game's plot quite much, so I'm not biased in that way. 'Ere we go. Spoilers SPOILERS SPOILERS AHEAD AVOID. First, we have this Ryo ninja. He is infiltrating some clan's ninja Dojo. Why? Well, just because. Not much of intro in the start or anything. But it's okay, mystery in the start is something I can bear. Few frustrated attack attempts later, and few tons of ninja corpses later, I finally reach the big bad guy with nunchaku. But ah well, after I nearly split his organs in the open, he slaps my back and says "WELL DONE, YOU'VE DONE WELL." And then just gives me this übersword of doom. Okay, it was my father's so I can understand that. Except that I'm still a ninja in training but he gives me the sword anyway. Then I make my way back home where EVERYTHING IS BURNED! Still making sense, we have to have some sort of reason why we hunt baddies don't we? But no. Suddenly the feudal Japan scene switches to this 23rd Century era scifi setting. Mmkay... Let's go backwards here, what the heck just happened? There was no reason except that Ryo was infiltrating some fortress of evilness, that we should have an airship. They could have just sticked with the feudal scene. I haven't played the originals so I don't know how much that would conflict with the originals, but it left me wonder. I can't think of any reason why there should have been switch of themes. None. Except that Ryo can kill some experiment that had escaped from Third Reicht's test laboratories. I take that down as a man, and keep on playing. The city itself is sort of mixture new and old, which is okay I guess, I just saw an airship with Günther in it after all... I wander around the city, which lacks all the pedestrians by the way except in some dramatic cutscenes by the way, and then just invade this night club because some chick nearly sliced my throath open with a lily knife that had "GO THERE, FIND THIS HE KNOWS". Okay. I have to find a invite first however. Like any sane ninja would do, I go looking at the bulletin boards. HEY THERE IS AMAZING OFFER FOR FREE INVITATION IF I BUY THIS X. Of course, sane ninja will go and do that. No need to infiltrate, I have an invitation! Right. Never felt like changing Ryo? Or is it just your way to go to parties dressed like this guy from Günthers wet dreams? Stepping in like a real ninja, I go through front door. The bouncer looks at the card and cracks his neck. I can't understand why I just couldn't snap the guys neck and step in, because in the end, the result would have been same. Ah well. In I go, but look. There are demons there! FOR NO REASON AT ALL EXCEPT THERE IS THIS HOT BLONDE WITH A TIBERIOUS GIGANTUS AXE. Who also wears leather swimsuit or something. Why was he introduced right now? No, but wait there's more! THE 50'S SPY MAKES A BOLD ENTRANCE! He just looks ugly, gives a witty one liner and dissappears after the Hot Blonde's angsty scene. Demons, I'm a demon hunter oh my oh my I wonder what the heck civilians do all day long. Go to night clubs and boogie with demons? Atleast, that's how it feels. Mmkay. What do I need to do now? A sane ninja will stop and think... And think... And think... And then think some more. But not Ryo, he is the man of action. He goes right there where enemy is boogying, all night long. Night never ends it seems. This is just short summary of quarter of the game. I mean, there is just so much more. Two tanks pitted against Ninja who has this magical bow which happens to shoot Tungsten cores and frigging explosives that kill tanks and helicopters? Ninja stealing a train and then colliding it with another one for distraction that had no use? Soldiers suddenly changing to demons? Civilians going to grocery shopping and commenting how the evil palace of doom has nice purple hue to it today? ergh. I can take much, but sometimes I'd like some coherency in the story, thank you very much. - - - [END OF ARTICLE] - Evaluated by: John9137 Evaluation: //"What is this? Forgot to take your calming pills? Do you seriously think we're gonna publish this crap? Seriously, get a grip. And write a new one.//" Scheduled for the shredder.

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